Ode to the Socceroos
It was the playing fields of Eton, Wellington said, that England won
Waterloo
It seems it was around that time, too, when the Lion last beat the Roo
Over the past two centuries, few sporting rivalries have been as grand
As those fought out between Australia and its British Motherland
But now the England-Australia clashes are becoming kinda boring
No matter what the sport may be, it's only ever the Aussies who are scoring
Cricket, rugby league or union, the Oz wins every test
Whatever sport the countries play, England never emerges best
"But ah!" the Pommy lads would say, "Aussie soccer, now there's a joke,"
"Socceroos," they'd grunt with a laugh and fun begin to poke
If that's the case, then England's sporting age must really be dark
Considering the events of Feb. 12, 2003 at West Ham's Upton Park
It was the first time ever for the Socceroos to grace the English soil
Raging underdogs they were, but they were also in for a spoil
No mere honorable draw could ever suffice when taking on the Pom
Instead, the Socceroos went out and won the game with great aplomb
A goal against the run of play and the English backs were shocked,
Little did they realize the Socceroos' guns were still only half-cocked
Just before the half-time whistle, the ball went to Harry Kewell,
Who slid it past the English 'keeper, made the defense look just like fools
And so the game was over as the teams went in for a break
Pommy supporters booed their team off, for they knew what was at stake
Though England scored a consolation goal, the Socceroos promptly replied,
Which showed the Aussies were clearly better and further damaged English
pride
It was supposed to be a night when England finally put the Aussies in their
place
Instead the Aussies emerged on top, Becks and the boys left in disgrace
Once again, for the thousandth time, on the Anglo-Aussie sporting menu
The main dish tonight was British Bulldog cooked up by kangaroo
Well may you fight them on the beaches, on the lands and on the seas
Just stay away from sports fields is now the loudest of English fans' pleas
But Upton Park should not surprise, as it wasn't such a feat,
'Cause looking back the only way England ever won was to be a cheat
Each time the ball hit the back of the net it was a strike at Douglas
Jardine,
Craig Johnstone, wet pitches, Tony Dorrigo and God Save the Queen
As you pull out tapes of '81 to relive Botham's cunning stunt
Don't forget you only won then 'cause our boys had a punt
So come on Mother England, throw at us your every man and every boy
Cause when it's over all you'll hear is "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi,
Oi!"