Player agents and club scouts across the world would do very well to follow the example set by a bunch of rather intoxicated Brisbane Strikers fans on their sojourn to the lovely New South Wales town of Coffs Harbour.
Little did we realise it at the time, but the assembled regiment of the Banana Army who left the BP Service Centre at Yatala early Saturday morning were embarking on a recruiting mission unprecedented in Queensland soccer history.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I announce that verbal playing agreements have been reached with Craig Moore ("I'd love to come back when I'm 30"), player/coach Steve Corica ("I could do a Frankie!"), Scott Miller ("I've only been to City Rowers and Fridays" [poor bastard - Cam]), Hayden Foxe ("I love it at West Ham, [as he should! - Cam] but maybe one day"), Simon Colosimo ("why do you need me when you have great players like Wayne Srhoj?") and David Zdrilic ("If I say yes, will you leave me alone?"). Damian Mori, Tony Vidmar, Archie Thompson and Kevin Muscat were non-committal, but they still did not say no.
All this was achieved in a couple of hours at the Coffs Harbour RSL. As I said, I think the powers-that-be can learn a lot from our efforts on Saturday night!
However, It didn't all go our way. I should have taken Basil Fawlty's advice ("don't mention the war") when dealing with Tony Popovic. I think I lost him after saying "listen, I know the Grand Final was pretty rough for you...". Live and learn.
Scott Chipperfield left us in no doubt when he said "there's only one team I'd like to play for less, and that's Eastern Pride". Never liked him anyway. We also saw Con Boutsianis but didn't ask him after Declan was heard to mutter something about the security of his wallet.
Of course, a lot happened in between Yatala and the Coffs Harbour RSL. After a long drive of around six hours, our three carloads assembled at the Big Banana. It was a perfect photo opportunity for the Banana Army, although the size of the banana was a bit of a letdown. Someone was heard to say "not for the first bloody time either", but I will withhold all names to protect the innocent.
It was then to the campsite where we had enough time to pitch our tents and have a well-earned drink at the Hoey Moey Hotel (no, I did not make that up). After discussing the local lingo (ie. pots v midis), we decided a safer course of action would be to simply order the universal size - schooners.
We then bundled into a couple of cabs to the Coffs Harbour International Stadium, which was (and probably still is) on the opposite end of town from "the Hoey". After collecting the dozen tickets kindly left for us by the wonderful Bonnie Mersiades, we entered the stadium to be greeted by an eery silence. It was not until after the match that Alan Clark informed us it was to remember the poor souls who died in South Africa last week.
I won't go into a match report as it would be nothing you haven't read before. We did our best to generate some atmosphere but we were fighting a losing battle all afternoon/evening. It finished 2-0 to the Strikers, with goals by new Brisbane recruits Steve Corica and Hayden Foxe.
Sticking around for the start of the Tonga v American Samoa match to cheer on Gary Phillips' Tongan side, we were all quite stoked to get a photo with Andy Harper (thanks to Forza Jnr - can't wait to see the pic!). He seemed a little hesitant to speak with us all decked out in Strikers gear and asked if the camera would spurt water. We assured him we thought he was a "victim of Kossie's regime", so he relaxed and gladly posed with us. A nice bloke - a shame he was such a crap player for us. Apparently when I was otherwise occupied, my colleagues got in a word with Basil and Labbo. I'm still bitter about that.
We then headed back to the Hoey Moey (I'm really not making that up) for a bite to eat and a couple more drinks. After being informed that the Socceroos were out on the town we went on a stalking mission and took in the Coffs night life. We finally caught up with the players at the RSL and the rest, as they say, is history.
Sleeping was not a problem - high-level recruiting really takes it out of you. We all woke up feeling a little worse for wear. It must have been something we ate. After a half-hearted attempt to have a kickaround with some OzSoccer listees, we piled into our cars for the long journey back to the land of pots, cheap(er) petrol and speed cameras that don't have warning signs 50m before they get you.
An all-too brief stay in a very picturesque coastal town. It was great to put some more faces to the names - I only wish we had more time to get acquainted.
We all look forward to doing it again in June!